4 Ways Your Subconscious is Sabotaging Your Sexual Happiness

sexual happiness


Are you completely carefree in your sex life? Chances are, like most adults, you have some or other subconscious issue that is holding you back from reaching sexual happiness.

As a woman, whether you are in a new relationship, have been married for years, or have been alone for some time – opening your body up to another person is an act that comes with extreme vulnerability.

Sex at any age should be an enjoyable experience! And if it isn’t, there’s a good chance that you’re dealing with some underlying issues that are haunting you and holding you back from sexual happiness – maybe causing some sexual dysfunction too. These underlying issues might be ghosts from past experiences or internalised self-doubt. The list of potential problems getting you down is endless – and in most cases, you may not even be conscious of what’s causing your inhibitions or reservations with regards to sex.

Do you know if you are in a state of sexual happiness? First, let’s look at exactly what sexual happiness is.


What is sexual happiness?

Anyone can have sex. It’s an instinct, an act that we are wired to desire as living beings. Having sex, however, is completely different to achieving sexual happiness. Sexual happiness is much less about the procedure, the act itself, or the physicality of it all.

Sexual happiness is a state of mind. It’s a state of being completely open, receptive and carefree in sexual and intimate situations. Sexual happiness is something that first comes from within yourself. It then manifests and expresses itself through a relationship you have with your sexual partner.


Sexual dissatisfaction

Do you ever feel uncomfortable in intimate situations? Do you perhaps feel unhappy, unwilling or uninvolved in sexual scenarios? Maybe you’ve even felt embarrassed by your sexual performance or discouraged by feelings of guilt.

There are numerous factors that may play on our minds during sex that will ultimately leave us feeling unsatisfied and lead to a bad relationship with intimacy.

Let’s look at some things that may be subconsciously holding you back from sexual happiness.


Low self-esteem

The Merriam Webster dictionary describes self-esteem as “a confidence and satisfaction in one’s self”.

On the opposite end of the scale, it can be said that low self-esteem is a lack of confidence in one’s self and a dissatisfaction with personal being. Low self-esteem can have devastating effects in many different areas of your life!

Healthy Women has written about the concept of Sexual Self-Esteem. Their article describes how the way you view yourself can largely impact on your comfort and openness to love and sex.

If you have low self-esteem, you may feel shy and reserved about your body and actions – leaving you stressed and unengaged with your partner. A low self-esteem means you don’t see true value in yourself, leaving you open to sexually risky behaviour or not being confident enough to voice your feelings.


Trust violation and previous betrayal

It’s happened to so many of us. If at some stage in your life you have been betrayed by a partner or someone close to you, you may still be hurting (whether you are aware of it or not) from that trust violation.

Trust violations are very emotionally draining and can easily leave you with emotional scars that cause you a general distrust of men. Your sexual happiness is largely based on your trust in your partner. If you’re still battling with a previous betrayal, chances are that you’re not feeling very carefree or receptive in your current sex life.


Past trauma and abuse

Any abuse, whether physical, emotional or mental will leave an internal wound on your psyche. If you have experienced any form of abuse in your past, you could still be affected by the trauma.

If this is the case, your subconscious may have internalised all kinds of false truths about yourself and about others. This could be largely why you’re feeling unlovable or dissatisfied.



In an article by How Stuff Works, sexual guilt and shame is described as “a feeling of grave responsibility and deep remorse associated with participation in or even thoughts and fantasies about sexual activity.”

People who experience sexual guilt are of the belief that engaging in sexual activity is a negative act, a sinful experience, or even an unclean undertaking. These beliefs can come from a range of various places. If you’ve been raised in a conservative society or religious family, you may have been fed messages of promiscuity or sin with regards to sex.

Many of the beliefs we have around sex that have come from our upbringing are extremely harmful and counterintuitive. Feeling shameful about intimacy is an easy road to being sexually unhappy!


Sexual healing through hypnosis

Do you resonate with any of the above subconscious factors? If you feel that there is something holding you back or keeping you from finding a state of sexual happiness, it may be time for some internal reflection.

Hypnotherapy is a great way to tap into your subconscious and potentially address some of the underlying issues listed above. Healing through hypnosis will help you let go of the negative self-beliefs and thought patterns that could be causing your underwhelming sexual experiences.

If you’re interested in finding out more about how hypnosis could better your sex life, get in touch with me for a free, completely confidential Discovery Call.


Elaine Young is a registered nurse and qualified Rapid Transformation Therapy practitioner specialising in healing through hypnosis. She is the UK’s Premier Sexual Happiness Guru, assisting women in finding sexual happiness in their relationships.